


Faded in my Last Song - Renhyuck

by moomnjun



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream, Renhyuck - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Falling Out of Love, First work - Freeform, M/M, Please be nice, Renjun feels Donghyuck falling out of love, eng is not my first language, i don't know how to tag, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27827416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moomnjun/pseuds/moomnjun
Summary: Loving someone isn't easy, that's what Renjun learned in his three-year relationship with Donghyuck.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	Faded in my Last Song - Renhyuck

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii  
> So this is my first work, and I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes and stuff... eng is not my first language.  
> I hope you all enjoy it and if there's any mistakes, please do tell me!  
> Love u all :D  
> d.

_Listen, uh, the wrong key I pressed is like you_

_The mood of the changed song is now a grayish monotony_

_Your eyes, your breath, an excited hand gesture_

_Right now, right now_

Loving someone isn’t easy. That was what Renjun learned in his three-year relationship with Donghyuck.

Waking up with the love of your life beside you, laughing at some dumb joke they made, cooking together at four am just because one was awfully hungry, watching funny movies together (and the scary ones Renjun didn't like one bit but used as an excuse to cuddle with Donghyuck), getting ready for photoshoots or performances together alongside the others, coming back to the dorms with tired smiles and passing out on the couch.

But there were also stressful days when Renjun would just snap at the other, screaming and crying out of frustration; days where they wouldn't talk to each other; sleepless nights; not having time to spend together because of schedules or 127 comebacks where Hyuck would just disappear for some time not even bothering to text back.

Now, those things just became unbearable for the pair. Donghyuck ignored Renjun’s gaze when they crossed paths, ignored his texts and calls, ignored him.

_Twist, twist, twist, it makes me drunk_

_Deep, deep, deep, it's driving both of us crazy_

_I can't tell anyone about you_

_You interrupted my life all of a sudden_

Renjun feels lost. He doesn’t know how to fix this mess, even Jaemin who always helped when the two fought, is also blank. The worst part is having to still act all lovey-dovey for the cameras because the fans didn’t know about their secret relationship but had their suspicions; and they were best friends with a playful dynamic that the public loved, they couldn’t afford to lose that.

**“It shouldn’t feel like an act, he’s my boyfriend”** says Renjun one day to a tired Nana who just came back from filming Make A Wish. And he’s right, it’s not supposed to feel like that because they should be all cheesy with each other naturally. But that was something that got lost months ago, and it pained him.

These past days Renjun has been feeling Donghyuck, his bubbly happy and extroverted sun, distancing himself from him. He really wants to push the thoughts away because it's not really the time to fuck up one's mind but, when he wakes up one morning with a note message from his boyfriend that said "we need to talk, meet me on Mark's room at 3pm", he just knew this was it.

He looked at the clock beside him and realized he had like an hour to get there; so he rushed out of bed and tried to look at least decent for his boyfriend. Nervousness started to creep on his veins, crawling at his skin and whispering things; but after all, he was sadly expecting this and he felt partly calm as if this was just routine.

As he walked past Jaemin's room, he felt like crying. Even if he was waiting for the glass to break, it doesn't mean he wanted it to but now it's too late for him. For them.

_Oh, I need you, you_

_You, the one who ruined my life, you_

_I don't, I don't I_

_I don't I, blame you_

He started to remember the first time they met when they were rookies as kids. How he got lost on his way to the practice room where he would meet his new teammates until a little hand tapped him on the shoulder followed by a shy “are you lost?”. He turned around and saw a boy his age, hair all ruffled, really cute moles and a wide smile; Renjun felt he could trust him. Nodding his head yes, the boy introduced himself first with a bow and led him to the practice room almost screaming out of joy when he realized they were going to be practicing and debuting together. After that, they were inseparable, you would always see them singing randomly, chasing each other, dancing or just listening to music.

As the years went by, they got together and couldn’t be happier.

Renjun smiled sadly thinking about how everything changed, how his life would just break apart the minute he opened the door to Mark’s room. He needed Donghyuck, his comfort, his hugs, his words, his presence, his love. He needed that and he knew all of that was long gone. But he couldn’t find it in himself to blame him.

_Faded in my last song, faded in my last song_

_I promise you eternity, I promise you eternity_

_You can trick me with lies_

_My last song for you that I cannot hide_

His thoughts were interrupted once he recognized Mark’s room. He wasn’t ready (and he thinks he’s never going to be prepared to let it all end like this). Not daring to knock yet, he wanders around the door thinking about all the “what if’s” or using the last amount of positivity in his body to come up with a solution. Was his fault? Did he do something wrong to hurt his boyfriend? Was he not enough for him? If they were not idols, would their relationship work? And soon, he had a headache.

Looking at the damn door again, he decided it was time for him to face all of this, to stop hurting.

He knocked twice and his breath stopped once he saw him. There he was, beautiful as always with his eyes seeing his entire soul and his half sad smile dedicated just to him. It's like everything that was happening (and what was about to) hit Renjun like a punch right in his stomach, he felt sick and didn't want to be there. Didn’t want this to end, didn’t want to end up heartbroken. Maybe they could give themselves a second chance.

Donghyuck saw the internal struggle he was having and just sighed signaling him to come inside, which Renjun complied closing the door as he entered and made himself comfortable.

It was hard, they still had to record one more song together and they feared that whatever was this situation, wasn't going to help. Worse even, they would have to keep seeing each other and get over their failed relationship quickly, or it would drive them insane.

_Faded in my last song, faded in my last song_

_Don't know what I'm saying, don't know what I'm saying_

_I have to let you go from my memory_

_My last season called 'you', my last song_

Neither of them said a word for a really long time, contemplating where they went wrong. Were the days they ignored each other - mostly Hyuck acting like Renjun didn't exist when he was with the 127 members? Maybe it was the fact that only one of them was trying while the other gave up? Or maybe - Renjun didn't like this option - Donghyuck stopped loving him. After a painful silence, one of them spoke up.

**“First of all, I'm sorry”** and with those words, Renjun broke. Tears starting to fall on his red cheeks while loud but short sobs stabbed his boyfriend’s heart, but there was no going back. “I haven't been spending time with you, we haven't talked in a while and when we do, it just feels forced”. Something Renjun disagreed in because he felt so happy when they finally got to talk. **“And I just don't feel like this can w—"**

**“Do you still love me?”** , Renjun cut him off with the question his heart wanted to know, even if it hurt, even if the answer was going to hunt him down forever. After three years of being together, being told these vague words as an excuse for a break-up was just not fair; he gave everything for the other, tried to make this relationship work even with all this idol life that was hard enough as it seems, he was there for Donghyuck every time he needed to cry or was just tired of everything. So no, he wasn't going to have this as a valid reason.

**“What...”** Donghyuck sighed surprised.

**“You heard me, do you still love me Donghyuck?”** he was getting impatient, it wasn't a difficult question if the other was sure of the answer but the fact that he was taking his time to think about it gave Renjun absolutely zero hope. And he felt empty for a second, seeing as everything they (mostly him) worked for faded away from his own hands without him being able to do something about it.

**“Renjun, I...”** he scratched the back of his neck but knew he had to answer something or else his boyfriend was going to leave and that would be an end he didn't wanted. He had two options, lie or be completely honest with what he feels but that would hurt someone he cared about and didn't deserve this, but when he looked at those honey eyes pleading for honesty, he chose to be sincere. **“No, I don't”**.

_I know, I know, I know_

_I'm trying to understand_

_We can't, we can't, we can't_

_It's a definite ending_

And that was it, that was everything Renjun needed to know this was the end. More tears started to fall and the sobs became violent, he was more angry than sad because this was unfair; was it funny watching him trying to save them both knowing it was hopeless? He wanted to say something, break him and hurt him just the same as Donghyuck did, but he couldn't speak.

He thought this was a joke, so he laughed breathily and looked at the person who once was his everything. When he saw the honesty swimming in his eyes, his smile dropped as well as his heart. Donghyuck didn’t love him anymore. There was no way to fix this, not any viable solution, this was it for them.

His mind went blank and he felt completely broken.

_An intense trembling, it's crazy_

_A last note, baby_

_Ice on with no lights on_

_But you're still shining, yeah_

_I can't be in touch with you, bye, bye, bye_

As he looked at his eyes again, Donghyuck spoke. **“I'm so sorry, Jun... you know I am, but this is not working anymore and it's better to end it now”**. He didn't dare to look at honey eyes again, he was scared. Scared to see what he had done, to witness all of Renjun’s broken pieces knowing he was guilty. He kind of admits he was wrong, that he waited too much to tell him this. He knows how badly he treated Renjun (and he excused himself in the fact that he thought that would make him fall out of love too). But Donghyuck also blamed the other; how when he tried to be romantic for once, Renjun would just get angry saying he was “doing this because Jaemin told him to”. And many more things he couldn’t really remember now, feeling embarrassed because maybe – just maybe – he was actually the problem, and not his boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend).

**“I fucking hate you, Donghyuck”** and it wasn’t true, he loved him so much it hurt him to say it. The sentence came out muffled because of the sobs, and he was sure the other could barely understand him but he continued. **“All these years, I've been after you; I stayed with you on those nights you couldn't sleep, we talked about our issues until 4 am, I went out of my way many times just so I could help you and you... where were you when I needed that too?”** , another choked sob, **“did you ever love me?”** it hurts to even have to ask a question like this to someone who once looked at you like you hung the stars, and Donghyuck staying silent wasn't really helpful. **“You know what, fuck you”** , and he left hoping this was all just a dream (a really, really bad one) but when he closed the door and watched Jaemin looking at him with pity eyes as if he knew what happened, he understood this was real and for the second time today, he broke down.

_You won't be here after the song is over_

_I lose the way I lose sense, I lose the light of you, yeah_

_You in my sheet music, I can't erase you_

_Broken tales of the two of us_

As if this day couldn't get worse, they had to record the last song of the album. Renjun knew the title was something among the lines of "Faded in my something" but he was too tired to even think about it, washing his face to no avail because as he stepped out of his room and into the recording studio, he started crying again when he saw him smiling, as if nothing happened, as if he didn’t just shatter Renjun’s heart into a million pieces four hours ago.

Jaemin wasn't even in the song, but he went there to support Renjun and he couldn't thank him enough. Everyone started recording their individual parts until the chorus was left and the bad news were heard. **"Donghyuck and Renjun are going to duet for the chorus"** , and he almost chokes.

**“A what now?”** he whispered to Jaemin who lifted his shoulders mouthing that he didn’t know and other words of support. Life was really not on his side today, and it showed. As he stood up, his whole body rejected the idea of going anywhere near Donghyuck and Renjun agreed but there was nothing that could be done.

They went inside the recording part of the studio, one next to the other in complete and painful silence as they read the lyrics; and Renjun never wanted to disappear more. He side-eyed Donghyuck and wished everything could go back to how it was a year ago. Remembering when they recorded We Go Up and it was all laughs and fun, how they had to record their parts multiple times because they ended up laughing (until Mark scolded them for wasting the staff’s time and calmed down with little giggles). Or when he visited Hyuck for his recording of No Longer and fell in love with him a little more, with his voice and how easy was for him to express the lyrics. This song was written for them, it looked as if it was inspired in their (ex)relationship and it made him want to laugh. But work is work, and he couldn't spare himself more mistakes.

As they started singing, the melody, the emotion and the meaning made Renjun feel light-headed. He was crying again but he couldn't care less, he wanted to get this done and leave. Their love faded away; they were not going to be like before. It felt like saying goodbye with a song.

_In my ears, broken tales of the two of us_

_I'm dizzy, it's more painful_

_Wanna go back, I reach out to you like this again_

_Come by my side, come by my side, come by my side_

When they finished recording, Hyuck was the first to get out not even looking at Renjun but instead having his gaze fixed on Johnny who was waiting for him at the door. Renjun on the other hand, couldn’t move. He was trapped in this limbo-like space in his mind, reminiscing about past memories and what could have been. He wasn’t going to get over him as quickly as he wanted to, and he knew that. There were things he was going to have a hard time forgetting or getting rid of. All those gifts he once gave him, pictures, their first kiss.

Jaemin saw that his friend wasn’t moving even with three staff members yelling at him to go because they needed to close the recording studio as it was already 9 pm. He decided to drag him out and into his room; and that’s where Renjun reacted. **“Nana help me think of something to get him back”** he pleaded not caring about how pathetic he looked, **“please, help me… I need him”**. But the other just sighed, **“Renjun, it’s over… there’s nothing you nor I can do. He doesn’t deserve you; I know you tried your best to fix everything but you can’t force someone to love you”**. And that made him cry again.

When he finally cooled down, he decided he was going to take a long shower. Jaemin just nodded and offered him to eat together in his room with Jisung and Chenle.

Loving someone isn’t easy, but it’s more difficult to get over someone you still love dearly; and that’s what Renjun was about to learn.


End file.
